


My Boy Who Lived

by lifedreamer56



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: "these are dark times ahead", I love tags but they make me go berzerk, I think Im done just please read it will be great I promise, Multi, Top Draco Malfoy, Top Harry, bottom cedric diggory, but then voldemort comes back and its like tf, cedric is so fan girly over his boy who lived, cho and ginny can go kill themselves because they are irrelevant, harry is like.. crazy, i just watched a harry potter marathon so here you go, im a fricken savage, jk they find love with one another, this will be great lets all hope i dont abandon it, what in the actual heck.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 11:20:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8622631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifedreamer56/pseuds/lifedreamer56
Summary: Okay So I just watched a Harry Potter Marathon and it brought back sooo many memories. Cedric's death never really made much sense to me. Along with Hedwig's or Dobby's. Why does she kill all the great ones? Anyways, Cedric has always been in love with Harry. I know most people overuse the term "love", but Cedric's in love. Harry was oblivious of Cedric up until his fourth year. Once they meet for the first time, Cedric just can't get enough. Harry never figured he'd have feelings for a guy but that's just ignorance I mean come on Harry. This story's scope is still not quite determined, I know I'm gonna write at least through all of the goblet of fire, but I was thinking about wrighting through order of the phoenix as well. Idek. I'm just glad to be back wrighting again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go!

"Harry Potter!" Dumbledore called my name as he held onto the piece of paper he clenched in his hand. I continued sitting in disbelief, not knowing quite what to do at this moment.

Now people were staring at me. Not just some people. Basically everyone.

I suddenly felt someone nudging me, telling me to go up there. It was Hermione. 

Not even turning around, I slowly but surely made my way up to Dumbledore, making eye contact with him before moving to stand with the other victors. I decided to stand next to Cedric Diggory, who was watching me along with everyone else, but his gaze was different. He didn't seem perplexed and in shock like everyone else. I mean I'm sure he was. But it's like he seemed to notice that all the attention was bothering me. As soon as I made eye contact with him, he blushed and looked away, suddenly looking very self-concious. 

That was odd. I blew it off though and looked past him at my other opponents. Fluer was very attractive. I was sure she was pretty aware of this too. But she made eye contact with me and smiled a bright smile, which I figured was genuine. I then turned my gaze to Viktor. He gave me a curt nod of his, causing me to do the same to him, before he turned his attention back to Dumbledore. I looked at Cedric once more but he refused to meet my gaze so I dropped it and looked back to Dumbledore. 

"These are the competitor's for The Tri-Wizard Tournament. You are all dismissed." the elderly wizard announced, dismissing all of the occupants of the Great Hall, except for us victors. 

Dumbledore then turned and walked to us. "Harry can I speak to you?" he asked, worry and discomfort clear on his face. 

I nodded my head before following him into a room, where Snape and McGonagall and basically everyone else followed.

"Did you enter your name into the Goblet?" he asked me directly.

"No I swear! I have no idea why or how my name was in there." I answered truthfully. I really didn't know. I didn't put it in there. I didn't want more attention than what I already got. I already recieved to much as it was. 

"The boy is lying." Maxime said.

"Yes. Maxime is right. This is not fair anyways." Karkaroff complied, backing up Maxime's allegation against me.

"No I didn't I swear it!" I pleaded against their false accusation. "I don't want eternal glory." I pointed out. 

McGonnagall looked worried. Dumbledore looked more perplexed than before. Maxime &&Karkaroff looked unconvinced. Fleur and Viktor looked shocked and bewildered. Snape looked indifferent and annoyed as per usual. Hagrid was frightened. And Cedric looked astonished and looked as if he was in deep concentration. 

"It doesn't matter how Mr. Potter's name was entered, all that matters is now he is a contestant and competitor, and there's no turning back. He's going to have to compete." Barty Crouch revealed. 

"I'll help the boy." Mad-Eye Moody said, propped up against the wall.

Everyone argued about my presence in the tournament for about five more minutes before McGonnagall interjected.

"Mr. Potter I think it's best if you just go to your common room, along with the rest of the victors. All of you need some rest. You're going to have a lot of training to do in the next several months.

"I agree." Dumbledore complied to McGonnagall.

It was then that us victors were dismissed as well. As I made my way out of the room, I was behind the others. Fleur and Viktor went in seperate directions from each other, leaving just Cedric and I to walk down the corridor together.

It was an uncomfortable silence. I always hated those. I LOATHED them. But I didn't know how to spark a conversation with the guy. He wouldn't even bring himself to look my way.

After about 2 minutes he glanced over at me, and so in return I glanced back, causing the older prefect to blush once more and avert his gaze from mine for like the 57,000th time that night alone. After about another minute, he finally spoke and broke the silence. 

"So you didn't enter your name into the Goblet?" he inquired, looking over at me, finally meeting my gaze and holding it.

I shook my head. "No I didn't. I don't understand why everyone can't understand that. I don't even want to be famous. I hate it that everyone already thinks of me as a celebrity anyways." I nonchalantly, mildly yelled at Cedric, not necessarily meaning to take out all of my frustration on him. He looked a little hurt. I felt bad.

I sighed. "Cedric I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just so hard to be 'The Boy Who Lived' and have to live up to that and have people look at you like that everytime you do anything, Y'know?" I finished my mini-rant.

He looked back at me, before doing the unbeliveable and smiling at me. A wide, toothy one too. "Nah I get it. I completely understand. And I believed you when you said you didn't do it." he finished.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Then why did you just ask me if I had done it?" I asked confused.

He looked sheepish. He was blushing. AGAIN. "I- I didn't kn-know how quite to start a conversation with you. I'm just a little nervous around you is all." he finished, before looking away again and leaving me with an unknown feeling.

I shook my head, looking back at him. "You shouldn't be afraid to speak to me, Cedric. I'm just a normal 14 year-old guy. I just want to be ordinary.

"But you're not ordinary." he shot back

"But I want to be." I said, stopping at the stairs to walk up to Gryffindor Tower. He stood beside me at the base of the stairs. 

He just nodded and turned to walked away before I stopped him. "Cedric wait!" he looked back.

"Why do you keep doing that?" 

"Doing what?"

"Looking away everytime I talk to you. You're so skiddish. I'm not going to hurt you or anything." I said, before resting my hand on his shoulder. That was not the move to make though, because Cedric tensed as soon as the contact was made, and jumped away at my touch.

Now I was slightly annoyed by his antics. "Why are you acting this way Cedric?" I asked in mild-anger.

He cast his eyes downward and then back up to mine and then away again. "I.. I told you. I'm just a little nervous around you is all." he said so silently I nearly missed it.

I continued to stare at him in disbelief. After being silent for a few moments he looked up at me to see my expression. Once he realized I was still staring at him he looked away again. 

What was wrong with this guy?

"But why though?"

"I don't know okay?" he half answered me and started walking away from me.

I wasn't ready for him to just walk away abruptly like that. "Wait!" I half-yelled, grabbing his wrist. 

This was once again the wrong solution because once our skin made contact Cedric freaked. 

He grabbed his hand out of my grasp. "Don't touch me!" he yelled. "Don't touch me, Harry." he finished, now turned around and looking at me, his face red and holding his wrist with the other hand I hadn't touched. 

I sighed. "Cedric just please explain to me why you're afraid of me." I asked wanting an answer. "I just want to know is all. Please don't be afraid of me." I said a bit softer than how I had been talking out of frustration earlier. I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine.

We held this eye-contact for about 30 seconds before he spoke and broke the silence between us. 

"I've got to get back to my dorm, Harry. You should too. Good night." Cedric finished, before turning around and walking down the corridor.

"Cedric! Wait!" I half-yelled for him to come back and give me an actual answer. Instead I was left with even more auestions.

As I made my way up the moving staircases and to the Fat Lady to make way into Gryffindor Tower, my mind was swimming with all kinds of questions. Why was Cedric nervous around me? And why did he freak out and completely FLIP when I touched him. Why did he look so distraught just from walking down a corridor with me. Why could he not even look me in the eyes?

I asked myself all these questions as I made my way up the stairs before reaching the Fat Lady. 

"Password." she asked.

"Dragonfruit." I answered her, before she opened her painting up and allowing me access into my common room.

I walked into the common room, when I ran into Ron and Hermione, as well as several other Gryffindors. I moved over to my friends, several of the other people still staring at me. Once I reached Ron and Hermione, most of them turned around and resumed their previous conversations prior to my arrival in the common room. Ron had his hands crossed against his chest, and an annoyed look on his face. Hermione looked concerned.

"Harry are you alright? You look a bit flushed." Hermione asked, worry lacing her words.  
I just nodded.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just got into a small argument with Cedric in the corridor on the way here." I explained to my best friend. 

"About what?" she asked still concerned. 

I just shook my head. "I just don't want to talk about it. It doesn't matter. 

She looked unconvinced. 

"Harry are you sure?" she asked once more.

I just nodded. 

I turned to walk up the staircase to my dorm. "I think I just need some rest. I'll see you in the morning." I told her, not even looking back to face her as I spoke. I was just annoyed with everyone at the moment. At all the professors for not believing me, at Dumbledore for not trusting at me, at Hermione for prodding me with questions even though I knew she meant well. I didn't even know why Ron was upset and I didn't much care, although I was sure I would hear about it nonetheless. But I was mostly aggravated at Cedric. I was irritated that he was afraid and anxious around me. Why was he so nervous anyhow? He couldn't even bring himself to look me in the eyes for more than a few seconds. I just don't understand.

I finally reached my destination at my bunk, where I stripped down to just my boxers, pulled the covers down, and fell alsleep, putting all of my worries behind me and to face them tomorrow, because I was well aware I would. Why did life have to be so complicated?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so earlier I wrote from Harry's perspective. Now this chapter will be from Cedric's, and I'm almost certain they'll just swip-swap every other chapter. I know most if not all of you think Cedric's a creep and I suck at wrighting him and while that might be true I just hope that this chapter helps show WHY he's acting the way he is towards Harry. It'll all make sense. I'm trying! Cedric &&Harry will end up together because this pairing is one of my ultimate faves. They're literally made for one another like the chemistry is there. Whether JK meant to insert it, or did it unintentionally, it's beyond me. All I know is, these two guys will be in love in just a few chapters and we'll all be happy.

I couldn't believe what was happening when I heard Professor Dumbledore call Harry's name from the Goblet of Fire. Hearing all the gasps, shocked expressions, and even Harry's bewildered look as well, I was stunned. I couldn't help but watch him as he slowly made his way up to the rest of us. That's when I noticed him glance over at me.

I decided to glance back and try to make eye contact, but he smiled and I felt myself getting flustered. I felt myself blush so I looked away and averted my gaze before making a bigger fool out of myself.

After everyone else was dismissed, Dumbledore took Harry into a room to speak to him, of course the rest of them followed, and I did only relunctantly so. 

I didn't see what the big deal was. If Harry said he didn't do it, then how come eveyone was still questioning him about it? Seriously the nerve. 

I believed him though. I would always believe Harry. I hated the fact that I had such a huge, undeniable crush on him. I had had said crush since about a year ago, ever since I had faced off against him in the Quddicth Match and that Dementor had nearly gotten him killed. Watching him fall and nearly die, I had felt a pang of guilt hit me. Like I should have done something to help him. After the match he was literally all that was on my mind. I realized that day that I was head over heels for Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived.

As I had zoned out, I absentmindedly heard McGonnagall dismissing us to go to our dormitories. I was the first one out of the room. I had no desire to stay there. The whole ordeal was creeping me out anyways. Some kid randomly gets entered into a deadly tournament and no one knows how? Something was definitely suspicious. Obviously someone had done it. And obviously they were lying about it. The only questions remaining being who and why.

I turned to take a left to be on my way to the Hufflepuff Common Room when I noticed that it was just Harry and I alone now. He had caught up to me. 

I seen him glance over at me a few times. I wish I wasn't so nervous around him. I decided to strike up a conversation with him to diffuse the silence and awkwardness of our predicament.

"So did you really enter your name into the Goblet?" I asked, kind of curious about Harry's take on all of this anyways.

After hearing him semi go off on me in response, I decided I really sucked at trying to take iniative. 

But then Harry started talking to me, and I found myself beginning to look him in the eyes more, if not for more than 7.4 seconds. 

We had made our way to the stairs. Harry stopped on the first one and stared down at me.

It was then that we got into a minor scuffle. I could feel my face heating up and my mind spinning. I just had to get out of there. 

I tried to walk off but that's when I felt Harry's hand on my wrist. No one touched my wrist. No one touched me in general. I hated being touched. After the 'incident', I refused to be touched by anyone. And as much as it pained me, that included Harry. 

I jerked my wrist back away from him, and as I did so, I could see the hurt and pained expression in his eyes as I did so. It only lasted for a minute though, before those emotions were replaced by momentary anger.

"Cedric what the hell is wrong with you?!" he yelled at me. I felt like I could cry. He was looking at me like I was a freak, like I was a mental. But I wasn't. Or at least I hoped not. I just don't know how to act around him.. And I don't like being touched.. Why does that make me a freak. I could feel the tears on the corner of my tearducts and I would be damned if I broke down right here in front of ths only person I had ever even been relatively attracted to. But then again, I done had made a fool out of myself. He already thought I was messed up. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me, Harry." I said as gently but firmly as I possibly could in that moment.

I looked at him for several seconds, before speaking again. "I need to get back to my dorm, Harry. You should, too." I said emotionlessly. I abruptly turned on my heel and walked in the opposite direction at that. 

I heard him yelling my name and pleading for me to wait but I didn't care. Right now, I needed to get as far away from the one person I never wanted to leave, if that makes any sense to anyone. Or maybe I am just THAT messed up as Harry already believes me to be.

 

*****************

 

It was two and a half weeks before I seen Harry again after our altercation by the staircase. I was walking to my class after breakfast when I turned a corner and ran into someone, knocking not just myself to the floor, but them as well. 

When I looked up from the floor, I noticed it was the person in my dreams. 

Harry.

He instantly began to apologize.

"Cedric I am so so so sorry! I didn't mean to knock you over!" he said. His expression had worry laced in it.

"No it's okay Harry. I should've been watching where I was going and then this wouldn't of happened. It's my fault." I said, speaking to his shoes and the floor and my disheveled books and basically anywhere but his eyes. 

I began to pick up my books while on my knees while he began to object again.

"No it's my fault. If it wasn't you wouldn't be the one on the ground." he said as he bent down to pick up my books that were closer to him. 

"Thanks." I muttered as he handed me the books. He then offered mw his hand to help me up. In turn I just stared at it and got up on my own. He looked hurt and confused by me not accepting his hand. But I didn't care. I didn't have to explain myself to him.

There was a brief moment of silence between us before I started to walk past him to my class. He followed me.

"So where are you going?" he asked nonchalantly.

"To my class. Isn't that where you're going?"

"Yeah." he said smiling at me as I turned away again, looking ahead of us instead. 

"But weren't you supposed to go back that way?" I asked. 

"I can be late. It's just Professor Sprout. She won't mind all that much. I'll just get detention. It's not a big deal."

"Harry why are you getting a detention over me?" I asked confused.

"Because I wanted to walk you to your class."

"But why?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. After holding his gaze for a moment I looked away.

At this point Harry jumped in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. 

"Because Cedric. I want us to be friends. I want us to get along. Because you're the one that I feel most comfortable around out of the other victors, and that's saying quite a bit considering you can't even hold a conversation with me. And I'm not quite sure why, but Cedric I'm going to make you stop getting so anxious and nervous around me all the time. I'm serious. We're going to have to get along, at least for the competition's sake." he finished his rant. He ranted a lot. I mean A LOT. I had had two encounters with the guy and both times he had ranted like five times each.

After he finished he just stared at me for a few moments. I stared at the floor. And at how close our bodies were. I made a point to move myself back away from him a little bit but he seen this movement and got closer to me again.

"Why do you get so flustered just because I'm speaking to you Cedric? Why is me being this close or touching you like this(he reached his hand out and touched my forearm causing me to jerk my arm away out of his reach.) such a big deal to you?"

All this time he had never took his eyes off me, but I had never even looked up at him. What he said next though was uncalled for. "When I'm through with you, you're gonna look me in the eyes every single time I look at you."

I don't know what made me react the way I did next, because I never yell at people, but I lost myself. 

"Y'know Harry I bet it must be great. Really great to just know everything. How wonderful. I never asked you to walk me to class and I most CERTAINLY NEVER requested to be your friend!!" 

Harry looked taken aback. Good. Serves him right. In classic Harry fashion, though, he quickly found his voice to speak. 

"Cedric. I just want to make an ally for the tournament. Can't we just agree to disagree and be cordial with one another at the very least. If we worked together, it would work out more favorably for the both of us. That's all I want. If you don't want me to walk you to your class, or ask you how you are, or pick up your bloody books when I myself or someone else knocks them over, then I won't. That's perfectly fine. I just figured maybe we got off on the wrong foot the other night and I figured we could start over but if you don't want to, then that's perfectly fine with me also. I've got to go anyways. Bye Cedric. Have a nice day."

Harry gave me one more look, I couldn't read this expression though, kind of a mix between annoyed and tired, and walked past me, leaving me to stand and watch his retreating figure walk down the corridor as he never even turned to look back at me, leaving me to wonder why I always had to screw myself over and act this way when I was around Harry. All I wanted was for him to like me back. For him to possibly, just maybe, have a slight crush on me in comparison to the overwelming emotions I felt for him. 

There's just been so much going on lately. I wish I could tell Harry everything. Let him in as a friend like he had wanted me to just then. And in return I had showed him the door. I just want him to know all these things that bother him. To answer his questions about why I can't look him in the eyes, why I'm always anxious and flustered around him, or why I don't like being touched. I WISH I was outspoken like Harry. But I'm not. 

I'm the boring, lame, freak that is Cedric Diggory, who had dug his own grave at ever getting a chance with the boy he fancied. But whether I got Harry to like me back or not, I WAS going to speak to him and answer his questions. And I was going to do it now. So before I knew it, I had turned around and had went in the direction Harry had went in. Now I just had to find him. 

Whether Harry would ever like me or not, because I knew he wouldn't, he at least deserved to know the truth. And he was about to find out. 

Class could wait. I didn't care. I had something of far more importance to take care of. I had to find my boy who lived, and I had to give him the answers he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I hope everyone enjoyed my second chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter!! I still adore this pairing. They're beautiful together. I love them. I hope you all enjoy this. This one will have been worth the wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed! Chapter 4 is on the way!!

I couldn't believe Cedric. The temerity. All I wanted was to be his friend and try to get along so I wouldn't be so alone is this whole ordeal. But if he didn't want to make this easier on me, then fine, I didn't need him.

I was LIVID. I was just about to walk into Professor Sprout's room when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around only to be faced by Cedric.

I froze and just stared at him in disbelief. He looked kind of sad for a moment, before he spoke.

"Harry, listen." He began, looking me in the eyes for about 10 seconds before moving his gaze to the wall. New record. I was impressed. He looked back again at me. "I just wanted to apologize for raising my voice at you back there. It wasn't like me. I'm not proud of that and I try not to engage in that kind of behavior. I just wanted to talk to you. Would you mind ditching class and coming with me? I figured I could talk to you and maybe answer some questions you have for me."

I was the speechless one for once. I was about to speak before he hastily added a "I really am sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier. I can understand if it's to late to be friends.."

I laughed and smiled at him, causing him to give me a confused look. "Of course I forgive you Cedric. We all do some things we're not proud of. We all lose our temper sometimes. It's completely understandable. Please stop apologizing. Although I do have to say I find it charming and very sweet for you to be so kind, Cedric." I mustered a smile for him, to which he replied with a smile as well, before blushing and looking away again.

"But Cedric, I really do need to go to class. I'm sorry, but I have to decline the offer.

His face fell deeply. "Oh. Okay. Yeah, me too." He said barely audible, while looking down at the floor.

"Maybe we can meet later tonight?" I suggested.

"He looked up at me, holding the eye contact for a few moments before looking away and shaking his head. "No. It's okay. It was nice talking to you, though, Harry." He said, pursing his lips and turning around to walk away.

I felt awful, I really did. I wanted so badly to just go and ditch class and talk to him and have him explain all these things to me. Actually let me in. I really truly did. But I knew I had responsibilites to attend to as well. And he did too. I was sure that we could meet up again though some other time. But if that was true, then why did Cedric not want too? I had TO arrange something. ANYTHING. 

"Cedric wait!" I yelled at him to stop.

He stopped in his tracks and looked back at me, waiting for me to say whatever I was going to say.

I looked into his saddened eyes and I felt my heart pang in my chest. I felt horrible for not going with him. 

"Could you meet me tomorrow? Or maybe this Wednesday?" I asked, trying to come up with something.

He just shook his head in response. "I'm sorry I bothered you Harry. Have a great day though." He uttered, before turning around and leaving me alone like I was once before. 

I felt awful. Cedric had looked like he was going to cry. Again. Why did I always end having to make him cry. I doubt anyone else ever had that effect on him. Why me? I just don't get it. I shook my head. I had no time to worry about Cedric's feelings right now. Besides, it's not like I was his girlfriend. I had my own things to worry about at the moment anyways. If he was really willing to talk, then he could have worked with me to set a date that would be better for the both of us. I was just about over his weird antics. I shook my head once more, before clearing my mind of all this and walking into my classroom.

 

**********

 

 

 

It had been a week and a half and I still had not seen nor spoken to Cedric. But one thing was sure, I had most definitely heard about him. And he was most certainly almost always on my mind. Why was he having this effect on me? Why did I care so much for him? I just couldn't figure it out. 

I sat down at breakfast with Hermione. 

"Good morning." She muttered, looking up at me from the book she was reading. I was generally surprised there was anything in the library left that Hermione hadn't read yet.

"Good morning." I answered her back, before serving myself.

She looked worried. "Have Ron and you made up yet?" She asked.

I shook my head in response, looking down at the table. "He still isn't talking to me." After a few moments, I looked up at her. "You believe me, right?" I asked, needing a confirmation.  
In just a little over a few weeks, ever since the victors for the Triwizard Tournament were announced, my life had gotten so much worse. People stared more than they ever had before. There were plenty of rumors surfacing about me. Fresh ones too. Most of the time now people would say harsh and very crude things to me. Probably the most effective thing was Ron ignoring me and choosing to throw a fit because he figured I had suceeded in placing my name in the Goblet. Well boy did he have it wrong.

After I finished eating, I collected my things and walked out to the courtyard outside. Many students instantly came up to me, shoving these buttons in my face. 'Potter Stinks.' was inscribled in the center of them. I walked past Hannah Abbott and Ernie MacMillian who had cut me off. 

It was then that I spotted Cedric in the center of the courtyard, surrounded by many of his friends. Having no one else to talk to, I decided to engage him in conversation. 

I strutted over to him, marching myself right up to him. As soon as I approached him, all of his friends began laughing. Cedric himself just looked stunned and kind of nervous.

I ignored their deplorable, immature behavior. "Cedric. Can I speak to you?" I questioned him.

He paused and looked around at his friends who had quieted down to listen in on what I had to say for myself. "Yeah, sure." He responded, before boosting off of the statue he had been leading on and walked over with me to an open spot in the courtyard where no one else could hear us.

He briefly looked into my eyes before looking at the ground. "What did you need to speak with me about Harry?" He inquired.

I sighed. "I just wanted to give you a heads up. The First Task. It's dragons. It's about outwitting a dragon." I revealed, recounting my experience with Hagrid in the Forbidden Forest the other night.

Cedric looked astonished. "Wow." He replied rather spechless. "I dunno what to say exactly." He answered quite truthfully. "Thanks I guess, for alarming me. That was rather kind of you to inform me, Harry. You didn't have to do that. Why did you?" He asked, staring at me.

This time I looked away from him. What a switch. Never saw that one coming. "I guess I just figured if it were the other way around, and you were aware, and I was ignorant, you would help me. Fleur and Viktor done know. And I knew. But you didn't. It wasn't a level playing field. We all deserve to be prepared for The Task." I answered him.

He smiled at me. "Thanks again, Harry. It means more than you know. Trust me. I've got to go though." He said.

"Yeah, I should probably be going as well." I agreed.

I was about to walk away when his voice caught my attention. 

"Oh! And Harry. I asked them not to wear them." He revealed to me, implying the buttons. 

This made me smile, reassured that not EVERYONE hated my existence at the moment. "Thanks Cedric."

He smiled in return at me. 

I was impressed. Cedric had held my gaze with a lot more confidence than usual this time around. I was proud of him. But I was still curious as to why he had problems with eye contact and being touched and just being nervous around me specifically in general. I had questions. Questions only Cedric had the answers to. And I wanted to find out. and I was going to do just that.

I walked away from, determined and motivated to find Cedric some other time and talk to him, and have him spill EVERYTHING to me. I couldn't exactly pinpoint what my fascination with him was, but I most certainly wanted to find out. I was going to if it killed me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this will be the chapter things actually heat up in!! I can't explain anymore. Enjoy!!

After Harry and I's conversation that had ended badly about a month ago took place, I was horrified and mortified of him. I had tried to offer to open up to him. Just ATTEMPTING to even TRY to talk to him about my feelings was hard enough, let alone doing it. But then he did the unthinkable and turned me down. Not wanting to talk to me. I was in disbelief. How could he?? Wasn't he the one that wanted to talk to me so bad all this time anyways???????  
I decided then and there not to try anymore. So I left. After that my depression set back in, as it always does. So I had skipped the rest of my class, opting instead to go back to my dormitory. I had sat in silence and thought of my rejection. Harry really did hate me. He really was ashamed of me. I was nothing to him. And I couldn't blame him. Why would anyone as perfect as him EVER even CONSIDER to like let alone LOVE someone like me. I found my blade, the one I jad ground so comfortable to using in adept situations such as these, and didn't hesitate to run it slightly forcefully against my wrist. I slightly groaned as the pain set in. I continued this motion thrice more times, and, after relinquishing my anguish, let my head slip back against the wall I was sitting up against, while the blood trickled sown my arm.

I was such a disgrace. What would someone so beautiful and flawless, IMPECCABLE, like Harry, especially like Harry, ever see in someone like me. No one cared for me. I had accepted that. Yeah, everyone cheered for me and knew who I was since I was the chosen victor of Hogwarts. They only cheered for me because I was up against Harry, someone they all either feared, or were jealous of. That's the only reason any of them even knew my name.

I let my head slip back once again against the wall, before sighing and cleaning and putting away my blade. I quickly cleaned off the blood, looking at my freshly conjured scars. I sighed once more, before lying down on my bed, and drifting off to sleep. Who needed to go to class anyways.

********

 

It was a month later. A week after The First Task. To say the dragons had been intimidating was an understatement. It had, without any doubt, been the most terrifying thing I had ever done in my life. I had been in immediate danger. We ALL had. But we had all managed in one way or another to overcome our fear and beat and accomplish The First Task.

I had even by now discovered what the Second Task would involve. I had to tell Harry. I had to inform him as he had me. It would be my way of repaying him. 

I tried my hardest to locate Harry today, and for someone as 'famous' as him, he sure was quite difficult to locate. I finally acheived and conquered my goal in finding him on the bridge to Hogsmeade. I wasted no time in seizing the opportuinity to talk to him. 

"Hi Harry!" I said a bit excitedly from behind him, causing him to jump a bit. Great I scared him. Did I have to mess everything I did up? "I'm so so so sorry! I didn't mean to frighten you. I'm so sorry Harry." I apologized effortlessly. I was sorry. I knew I was a screw up. I had accepted it. But I didn't want Harry to realize that more than he already did. I knew he thought that about me too. And it pained me to realize this harsh truth. 

"No no Cedric it's fine! I swear. I just didn't see you at all." He smiled. "So what is it?" He inquired, still smiling at me.

I still felt awful for scaring him, but he said it was just an accident, and I knew any further apologizing would be pointless, because even though I knew Harry didn't think much of me(how could I blame him?), he was just to good of a person to admit it.

"I wanted to fill you in about the Second Task." I informed him.

His eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped a bit at this revelation. 

"Just take your egg, and go to the Prefect's bathroom when you go to bathe. You shouldn't be bothered by anyone. No one goes in there. I'm sure you'll get the answers you've been looking for." 

"Thank you so much Cedric." Harry smiled at me. "It means a lot. You didn't have to tell me." 

"Of course I did. You told me about the dragons, so this was only fair." I answered modestly.

Harry shook his head at this. "No. You didn't have too, Cedric, I really do appareciate this. Listen, I was wondering if you and I could meet up and talk? Maybe tomight? he asked me.

I wasn't expecting this. I looked at him a little longer with my mouth agape before trying and failing to come up with a comprehensible answer. 

Harry's face left the bright state it had offered a moment ago. "We don't have to if you don't feel the necessity. I just figured since-"

"No, no no. Tonight's great! Where shall we meet up at?" I asked, refusing to fail Harry once again. I would not put this off no matter what.

"The Prefect's Bathroom. Is that okay with you?" He casually invited me.

I was so nervous. My anxiety was picking up. What was he thinking?? We would just talk while in the bath together? Naked? What the hell Harry? However, I refused to subjugate myself to put this off like I had the other attempts Harry had made to talk to me. I wanted to talk to him. I was going to do this.

"Okay. I'll meet you in there around 8:00. No one else should be in there."

"Awesome. I'll see you at 8 then." Harry beamed at me, before walking off. 

"Awesome." I replied to myself, repeating Harry's words. I had no idea just how I was going to get through this.

 

*************

 

I got to the prefects bathroom at 8:03. I was three minutes late. As I walked in, I spotted Harry sitting on the bench, looking at me.

"You're late!!" He joked, smiling at me as he walked up to me.

I laughed. "I'm sorry, Harry. We're not supposed to be walking the corridors at this time. I did my best though." I smiled at him.

He smiled a toothy grin at me. "I'm just giving you hard time Cedric. Of course. I'm thrilled you were able to make it."

"So. What were you wanting to speak to me about, Harry?"

His smile faded and he grew a serious expression. "I just wanted to speak to you. About the Second Task. About school. About just you in general. If that's okay with you, that is." 

I tried not to look nervous although I knew he could probably sense I was. "No. That's quite alright with me." I made to move past him, taking a seat on the bench. He followed me. 

"Are you ready?" Harry asked me. I was confused on what he was asking me.

"What?"

"Are you ready?" He repeated. "To start the bath?" He said nonchalant.

I had no idea what to say. I wasn't ready to get naked with this guy. How was he so casual and comfortable about this anyways. I was to modest to even have my shirt off in front of someone, let alone Harry. There was no way I could go through with this. 

However, while he had left me with my thoughts, Harry had done begun stripping. He was pulling his shirt above his head when he spoke again. "Are you okay, Cedric?" He asked me, now semi nude in front of me.

I looked up from the floor at his face, before glancint down quickly at his naked torso he was presenting to me, taking in the details. For just 14, Harry was defined. He wasn't skinny like he used to be. Granted, he still was, especially compared to most students, but nowhere as bad as he was a year ago.

I forced myself to look away and not stare. "No, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"Because you're just standing there? Why aren't you undressing?" He asked me, slightly confused.

I knew my anxiety was hitting me with everything it had. I could sense my heartbeat picking up. My palms were sweaty. I was beginning to feel slightly dizzy. 

"I didn't think I was getting in? I already know what it says." I tried to play it cool.

He looked slightly convinced, but still kind of weary.

"Are you sure?" He asked whiel removing his trousers, leaving him in jusr his underwear.

"I'm sure." I maintained, resisting the urge to look down at his pelvis. "In fact, Harry I think I should be going right about now. My friends are probably worried." I decided to try to get myself out of this situation, before Harry had the opportunity to remove his underwear.

I went to the bench and collected my things, and attempted to leave at that notion, but Harry grabbed my wrist, causing me to tense instantly at the contact. I snatched my wrist away from him. I tried to walk off again but this time Harry ran in front of me and grabbed both of my arms, making me nearly have a panic attack right there. I attempted to grab my arms back from him but he firmly grasped them. 

"Harry let me GO!" I shouted at him, now frustrated.

"No! You're not going to storm off like you always do and then go another two months without speaking to me. You're not doing that." He pulled me closer to him.

I couldn't help it at this point. I started crying. I hated this. I hated this whole predicament. I hated that Harry was nearly naked in front of me. I hated that he was touching me. I hated that I hated being touched by him and him almost being naked. And I especially resented the fact that I was crying AGAIN in front of him. But I had to get out of here. 

I jerked my arms rather forcefully again from his grasp, finally breaking the contact. I was still crying however. I wiped the tears from my face before looking at Harry. "NEVER touch me like that again." I commanded. I was kind of in shock at my own words. I usually was the submissive type. I never told anyone what to do. But even I had my boundaries, and Harry had just crossed one of the biggest ones.

As for Harry, he looked completely shocked, and also angry, but then kind of remorseful as well.

Harry was the first to regain his composure. "Cedric what the bloody hell is wrong with you? I understand that some people need personal space. I get it. But you're crazy. What is your damage?" He asked me, with a look of pure disgust evident on his face.

It was then that he confirmed my fears as true. He did think of me as a freak. As a mental. He would never return my affections. I truly was NOTHING to him.

He kept my gaze for a moment longer before uttering "you're nothing but a broken freak."

He said the sentence with such ease. Almost aimlessly. We stared at each other for just a few more moments before I returned to my senses. "You're right, Harry. I am. I'm so so sorry, okay? I didn't ask for any of this! I didn't ask to have PTSD. i didn't ask to be so broken and afraid. I didn't ask to flinch and flip out at any human contact. And I most CERTAINLY didn't want to fall madly in love with you!" I yelled the last part, having said it before it registered in my head what I had just said. 

Harry's eye were huge nad his mouth dropped. I probably had the same expression myself though. I then regained my composure.

"I should leave." I stated, recollecting my things that had fallen tocthe ground after our scuffle. I put everything into my bag and looked up at Harry, still only in his underwear, before walking over to the door. "I doubt you'll ever want to speak or even try to be friends with me now, right?" I asked Harry, now looking at him hard in the eyes. His expression was still in shock, but at this he only bit his lip and chose not to say anything to me.

 

I nodded, already knowing the answer to my question before even uttering it out loud. "Okay. I figured as much. I'm sorry I've been such a bother to you Harry. I truly am. Considering I'm just a fuck up to everyone else as well, I should have known not even you could help me like I had hoped you could. Don't worry. You won't have to worry about me much longer. No one will. Good Bye, Harry." I nodded at him, before leaving the bathroom, leaving behind me a very dazed and confused Harry. He just stood there, in only his underwear, trying to figure out what had just happened.

I stormed off to a random bathroom elsewhere. A common one. I quickly pulled out my blade and started crying again as I slid down the wall, leaning my back against it. I had truly hoped that Harry could help me. I had believed that Harry could heal me, fix me. Make me whole again. 

All I had done was humiliate myself in front of him, along with embarrassing him by even associating with myself. That's okay though. He wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. None of them would. I took the blade and cut deep, so so deep. Deeper than ever before. Deep enough that I knew I probably would not recover from. And that was my intention as well.

I sat as the blood poured out of me, and slowly drifted off, feeling myself lose conciousness due to the loss of blood no doubt. I smiled. It was a rather peaceful way to go. And now I wouldn't have to bother Harry anymore. I was just beginning to see darkness when I saw through my blurry vision several people run over to me. I couldn't make out who it was, and I really for the most part didn't care. Only one thought ran through my mind before I passed out: 'I no longer have to be a burden to everybody. No one will even miss you.' I thought to myself, before the darkness overtook me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys! Back again!! 

I couldn't believe the nerve of Cedric. To make me angry was an understatement. Like seriously the audacity. I'm not usually one to make fun of people or decridate them, but he really provoked me. I didn't know he'd flip just because we were getting in the bath together. Why is it such a big deal to him anyways? But then again why are so many other things that are ordinary a much bigger deal to Cedric then what they really truly are.

As I see him walk out, I start putting my clothes back on. Whatever. It's not like I could focus on trying to decode the hidden message within the egg now anyways. After I got redressed and collected my things, I decided to head back to my dormitory. I slid my invisibility cloak over myself, cloaking myself from anyone wandering the corridors this late at night.

As I was walking past another bathroom, this one ordinary, I glanced inside the room, most of the room hidden from my view due to the stalls. However, there was in fact something that did catch my eye. I saw blood on the floor. And lots of it.

I quietly walked into the bathroom, curiosity taking over me. As I inched my way into the room, I froze when I seen the source. I saw probably the saddest, most traumatic thing I have ever experienced, and that's speaking volumes considering I have seen and been a verdict of so many screwed up predicaments. 

There was Cedric, sitting on the floor, leaning up against the wall, with a blade in his hand, and the opposite arm had a huge, gigantic slash across it. A few cuts actually. And they were very deep. They would've had to have been considering how much blood was on the floor.

I had known about people self harming before this. I had been aware. But I truly was ignorant about the severity of it. Because my first instinct was Cedric had attempted suicide, and his plan was suceeding, considering he looked asleep. I instantly dropped the cloak to the floor, running as fast as my legs could carry me to search out Madam Pomfrey. I was running faster than I ever deemed myself worthy of. 

I finally made it to the infirmary wing, where I found Madam Pomfrey in deep discussion with Professor Sprout. They quickly looked over at me as soon as they were aware of my presence. I wasted no time in introductions.

"Come quick! Hurry! It's cedric!" I yelled, before dashing back out of the room and back to the source of my concern. I could feel the tears running down my face, but that was the very least of my worries at all.

I finally what felt like an eternity made it back to the bathroom in which Cedric lie after having done such a tumoultuous task. I rushed to his side, grabbing his shoulder and calling out for him to answer me. Give me a sign he was still with me. Give me a sign he was still alive. Give me anything.

He wasn't responding, and I think my heart stopped with that.

I was quickly joined by Sprout and Pomfrey. I heard Sprout gasp and looked up to see her eyes wide and hands covering her mouth. Madam Pomfrey, however, wemt quickly to work. 

"Vulnera Sanentur" she cast the enchantment. I watched as the cuts healed and repaired themselves.

She then turned her head to face me. "Were you here when he did this? How did you find him?"

"No no I-I was just walking by the bathroom when I saw the blood on the floor. I'm just as shocked as you are." I answered truthfully.

She nodded her head. "Give me a hand will you?" She asked, before taking one of Cedric's lifeless arms and hoisting it around her back to carry.

"I'll carry him." I said, determined to take care of Cedric. I don't know why but I felt overly protective of Cedric at the moment.

"Are you sure? You look a bit to skinny to carry him on your own, Potter." 

"I said I've got him!" I half yelled, getting my point across.

"Well then by all means." She replied, giving in.

I picked Cedric up as if he were my bride, and carried him as such also. Good thing Cedric wasn't concious for this because, due to the fact he nearly has a panic attack when I touch his arm, he would most certainly faint all over again if he woke up to me holding him against my chest like this. 

As I was carrying him I looked down at his slumbering face. Most people looked awful when sleeping. I know I did. But not Cedric. He actually looked rather cute. So tranquil and at peace. Wait. Did I really just think Cedric looked cute? Wait what just happened?

I never did get the time to finish answering my inner thoughts, because we had all arrived at the infirmary. I carried Cedric diligently over to the closest bed, before gently as possible lying him onto the covered surface.

As I was moving my hands out from Cedric's body, my left hand, completely by accident, touched Cedric's butt. I was pretty sure I was straight, but I had to admit, it was a really nice butt. Js.

I quickly shook these perverse thoughts out of my head however, returning to worried state.

"Please tell me he will be alright, Madam Pomfrey." I gave her a hopeful look.

"Yes, Potter's right. He has to be okay, Poppy." Professor Sprout pleaded with me, trying but failing to look hopeful. You could clearly tell she was as worried as I was.

Madam Pomfrey, however, didn't hold back to deliver to us her doubtful expectations.

"It's hard to say. He's lost so much blood. To much, really. It'll take a miracle." She said.

Her words crushed me. I felt dead. I felt like I had died along with Cedric. Had Cedric died? If so then how would I get past it? I know we weren't even that close, but I still felt some kind of deep, pasionate feeling towards him. But I couldn't explain it. Like a crush. But I was straight, right?? What the hell was going on?

"Mr. Potter, thank you for helping us get Mr. Diggory help, but you've done all you can. You need to leave now." Pomfrey's words snapped me back out of my daze.

"And how the hell do you suppose I do that? Just walk up into my dormitory and just act as if everythin's okay? No. I won't do that." I semi told off the schools nurse. I respected her, I really did, it took a lot to help out all of us, but who the hell does she think she is to even have the temerity to ask me to leave? "I'm staying." I emphasized the final word. 

She stared at me for a really long time, or, at least, what felt like a long time but was probably only a few seconds, before speaking again. "Harry, listen. If you stay, you could possibly hinder not only Cedric but yourself as well. You have a lot of responsibilites to uphold at the moment. You can't let this deter you. If you have any hope that Cedric will get better, you have to put that hope in me now. Trust me, I will EVERYTHING I can to help him get well. But in order to do that, I can't worry about you too. I really need you to leave." She finished.

I just stared at her, letting her words sink in. Should I really leave Cedric? Really? What kind of a friend would I be then? But then again, we weren't even technically on the "friend" status yet. It started to click in my head that, maybe, just maybe, Pomfrey was right. 

"Okay. But I'm coming back first thing in the morning." I declared, giving her an unmoving scowl.

She laughed. "Okay, okay. That will be fine." She smiled at me.

I attempted to smile back, but failed given the circumstances.

I looked back down at Cedric's sleeping face. I felt myself frown. 

"Can I get a moment alone with him before I leave?"

She sighed. "Five minutes. Then I need you out of here." She said, before leaving his bedside with Professor Sprout, who I had forgotten was in here due to her being so quiet. Sne looked as if as were crying.

They walked out of the infirmary, leaving me with an unconcious Cedric. I looked back down at his face. I don't quite know what possessed me to do it, but I reached over and grabbed his hand, holding it tightly in mine. 

I felt that over-bearing sense of needing to protect him again. 

"We will get you through this Cedric, I promise." I whispered to his lifeless self. I really did wish I could take away his pain and he could give it to me instead. I wanted him to be okay. I also noticed many other cuts on his arm, and along with his other arm as well. I was going to make sure as soon as I caught Cedric awake again, that I would tell him that he's no longer allowed to do this to himself. I wasn't going to let him cut himself anymore. It literally panged my chest and hurt me to see these self-inflicted scars. It must of took a lot of pain for him to harm himself in this form. I don't know what caused it, or what made it worse, but I wasn't going to let it continue anymore. I was going to protect Cedric with everything I had. 

That's when it hit me. I'm falling head over heels for Cedric Diggory. I wasn't sure if I was gay, or bi, or what I was in fact, but nevertheless, it was irrelevant. All I knew was that Cedric would indeed wake up, and when he did, I would be there, holding his hand, whether he wanted meto or not, because he was mine, and I was his, and he just didn't know it yet. I brushed some of his bangs out of his eyes, before bending down and shocking myself to no end by kissing Cedric on the cheek. I was stunned by my own actions, but I quickly recovered, realizing I was justified and that I would do it again, so I did kiss him again, except this time on the lips, and let me tell you, his lips were the most plush, plump, soft lips I had ever seen/felt. I had kissed many girls, but none of them were even in comparison to Cedric. 

"You're gonna be okay." I whispered to my darling. "You're going to come back to me." I whispered, before squeezing his hand in mine and getting up from my seated position on his bed, lying his hand gently down besides his torso, before walking out of the infirmary. I didn't know what was going to happen next. I kne one thing and kne thing only however: Cedric would wake up, and he would explain his reasoning behind this insidious decision, and I would be there for him, to help him through this. 

He was mine and I was his.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Omg guys back again! I hope you guys enjoy chapter 6!! This will definitely be the best one yet. Trust me on this 

It was still hard for me to wrap my head around all of this. I mean seriously. Why had Harry saved me? Right after he had basically right before that deprecated me to the point to do something so drastic. 

I don't know. That's why when Madam Pomfrey told me he was on his way to visit me I nearly punched her in the frigging face. Tf Pomfrey? Like seriously bloody hell.

I was torn away by all my inner questions as the source of them all had just wandered into the infirmary. 

Harry froze in place when he seen me actually awake. We stared at each other for what felt like 10 years but was only really like 16 seconds. He was definitely the first to speak up.

"Cedric you're finally awake!" He yelled tears in his eyes. He marched right over to me and threw his arms around me, running his hand up and down my back. My muscles tensed as soon as he touched me. He released me soon after sensing this. 

He stood back up and sat down on my bed in front of me, crossing his legs, clasping his hands together, staring at me before speaking again. I wanted to speak more than anything. I wanted to tell him my gratitude for caring, wanted to tell him my feelings for him, I wanted to be able to hug him back and touch him and vice versa without my body shutting down and going rigid, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. But if I ever wanted to clear the air, it had to be now. I had to talk to him.

"So how are you feeling Cedric?" He asked me, as casual and nonchalant as could be expected. 

"Okay I suppose."

"Are you still sad? Depressed? I can help you, but you HAVE to be willing to let me in."

This sent me over the edge. Why was he here, waisting the both of our times if he didn't even care? It was blatantly obvious he evidently did not reciprocate my feelings. Right after I had told him he didn't even respond. I knew he didn't but I mean I could have at least hoped. But this whole patronizing act of his, had to go.

"Why are you here, Harry?" I asked calmly.

"What do you mean why am I here? I'm here because I care about you Cedric. A lot of people do actually." 

"That's a lie. No one cares."

"Cedric stop! That's the lie."

"No it's not! I know you think of me as a freak. You even told me that. I don't care anymore Harry. I just want you to leave me alone. We're not friends and we'll definitely never get there now, so why are you here? Asking me senseless, irreverent questions as if everything is okay? When it's evident you could care less." As I finished Harry looked ashamed, and for the first time HE was the one who was speechless. 

I didn't hesitate to go again though. "Get out of here! Go! I don't want you here." 

Harry shook his head vehemently at me though, being persistent as always. "No Cedric! I will NOT leave you again." Harry defied my wishes. I'm staying and we're finally going to discuss everything that we have needed to talk about. And I do mean EVERYTHING. 

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes at him. He sighed in return.

"Cedric could you at least hear me out? At least listen to what I have to say, and if you still want me to leave after that, since you clearly despise me a great deal, I will leave. And we don't have to talk ever again. Please?" He asked politely, giving me a fair expression.

I sighed but nodded my head acceptingly. He smiled, and I have to admit, even though I was upset with him and just upset in all generality, his smile made me smile. He was one of the only ones still capable of doing that. Of course, upon seeing what he accomplished, Harry smiled even wider, even giggling, which made me laugh as well as blush. The things this kid did to me.

"Okay. Well first off let me just have the honors of saying, Cedric, you're blush is the most adorable thing I've ever witnessed, second only to your little laugh. It's so hot." He complimented me, making me blush worse than I ever remember blushing, and it got even WORSE after he winked at me! What the hell Harry?!

"I just wanted to tell you that, last night, after you left the bathroom distraught, I was a bit upset with you. But, after I left probably only 10 minutes after you did, I was on my way back to my dormitory when I seen the blood. I was curious as to what had happened, so after making it into the bathroom, and seeing you there, all emotionless and lifeless, I almost lost it. My heart almost burst at the mere thought of losing you Cedric." He eloborated, tears now rushing down his cheeks. I wanted so badly as to rub them off but then again I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was my own worst enemy. So instead, I gave him a genuine, sympathetic look. He was looking straight into my eyes with the most piercing gaze and I couldn't help but break the contact. "After carrying you here in my arms-"

"Wait, what??" I stopped him, completely and utterly confused. "You carried me from the bathroom all the way here??" I asked in astonishment and utter disbelief.

He froze and looked a little guilty.

"Yeah. I-I'm sorry I touched you Cedric.. We just really had to get you here, and my emotions were running high, and I just didn't-"

"No,no, no, Harry that's fine." I assured him, cutting off his babbling. "I don't mind that. I was unconcious so it's okay. I just wanted to know how you carried me all the way from the bathroom to here.. I mean I am so fat."

Harry smacked me in the arm. Not hard, but very assertive. I gasped, slightly at the contact(harry come on!) but also for dramatic effect. "And just what was that for may I ask?"

"For you calling yourself fat. You most certainly are not!"

"Compared to you I most certainly am." I countered.

He sighed. "Cedric. It was like carrying a baby. You were easy to hold. I could demonstrate just how easy if you want me to." he smirked at me after uttering the last part.

We both laughed hard at that, ending in us smiling contently at each other. 

I couldn't help but notice he looked a little sad, I was assuming due to the fact he couldn't demonstrate due to me not being a willing participant.

I decided to cheer him up with some hope. "I will hold you to that promise, Harry. One day for sure, I will let you demonstrate." I smiled at him, and the smile he gave was so warm and welcomed I couldn't help but giggle and blush again. This kid I'm telling you.

"But as I was saying, when we got you here, she said you might not make it." I frowned at his words. I could see tears forming in his eyes again, but he continued speaking, like soldier on the battlefield. "When I heard her utter that, I can't even BEGIN to describe to you how I was feeling. Way to many emotions to even consider. It was unfathomable. "He looked down at the space on the bed between us, tears running down his face and onto the comforter. "But after I was left alone with you, I did some soul-searching and reevaluated myself." He said as he looked back up to me. This time I reached my hand out, and, albeit the shaking of my arm, along with my anxiety, I overcame it and brushed the tears from his face, giving him a warm smile to show that I was trying, and he seemed to realize this himself, smiling back. "That's when I discovered that.. That..."

Harry froze and looked back down away from me. We sat in silence for at least a full minute before I got worried. I looked back over at him. "When you discovered what Harry?" 

He looked back up at me. "That I was in love with Cedric Diggory." 

Did I really just hear that right? Did he just use the word "love"? Wait, what?! 

It took me forever to get a grip. We sat there for only God knows how long in silence, me musing over what he had just confessed to me. Wth. 

I guess Harry was beginning to worry, because he finally spoke again. "It's completely fine if you've lost interest in me, Cedric. I completely unserstand." He went to get off the bed but I couldn't let him leave. 

"Harry wait!" I motioned for him to come join me back on my bed, to which he solemly and timidly accepted. "Of course I love you, you idiot! You've been the only person on my mind for the past 18 months! I know people use love a little to quickly sometimes, but this is so strong. I-I think I'm in love with you." I professed my love to my fourteen-year-old crush.

Harry was beaming from ear to ear. "I think I'm in love with you as well Cedric! I've been with plenty of girls, but I've never felt emotions, butterflies, quite like this before. I want you, no, I NEED you." He now got a lot closer to me, personally a little to close for my preference, but hey, I didn't want to ruin the moment, "Cedric Diggory, will you be my boyfriend?" 

I was shellshocked. Completely baffled and stunned. Shocked and astonished. Flabbergasted.

I probably took a little to long to reply, giving Harry's face fell, but come on. This is so much to take in. But, despite my hesitance, I already knew the answer. I had known the answer for several several months now. I did want Harry to be my boyfriend, my significant other, my future husband, my happiness and joy, my everything. I wanted him to help fix me and cure my timid features and PTSD and depression, I wanted to let him in and explain to him the reasons why I am the why I am, I wanted HIM. But at the same time, I knew that eventually, in the end, Harry would probably just end up using me. Just like HE did. Just the mere thought of HIM made me shake and visibly cringe, and Harry noticed this as well. I didn't want Harry to leave me after he got what he wanted. I didn't want him to break me more than I already was. Because deep down, no matter how great and real this seems, and definitely no matter how much Harry reassures me his affections, I knew he didn't care. No one did. I was alone. No one cared about me. And that's okay. I didn't blame them. I hated myself more than anything. I was useless, annoying, timid, afraid, paranoid, dirty, filthy, worthless, and broken. No matter what Harry tried to convince me of otherwise, I knew he knew that too. He didn't care. There was no point to try to open up to him. He would probablt just end up beating me like HE had.. I would probably deserve it though.. I wasn't someone to be loved. What Harry was sitting here proclaiming to me, it wasn't real. I knew that as well as he did.

I looked away from him. "Harry I know you don't care. No one does. You can give it up. I'm not really all that great like you think I am anyways. Just promise me next time you'll let me suceed in ending this, okay?" I looked at him pleadingly. He was taken aback. But I was serious. I really did just want a way out of this life. This awful, God-forsaken life we live everyday.

"You better NEVER let me hear you talk like that again, Cedric! Do you hear me? I love you more than you understand. I don't know how you got to figure that no one seems to mind but guess what? I do. I care so so much. To much. I might not have realized how much until last night, but that is irrelevant. You are everything to me. I will help you. I will fix you. And I will suceed in showing what love feels like. I promise you that." 

Now I started crying. Why did I have to be so weak? So pitiful and pathetic. Why couldn't I be strong like Harry instead? Why did HE have to ruin it for me. 

I cried so hard. I didn't even object when Harry pulled me into his lap. I let him set me down onto his lap, like I was a little kid. This would have been so much better and more eventful if this position would be because we were aroused, but no. I couldn't give that to Harry. Instead, I had to sit and cry like a blithering baby. Like a little kid throwing a tantrum. I just sat there though, while he hugged me and rubbed my back, whispering into my ear "it would be ok."

No it wouldn't. It never was. The truth in life is, it never gets better. You just become numb to how hard things are. We're just a pawn in life's game. But I didn't object to Harry's soothing, because I really didn't want another argument. I just sat there and listened, while I got caught up in my self-depreciation and self-decridation. I really did loathe myself. All I want is to be like Harry. Strong. Confident. Stunning. Just not afraid to let people in and being just a nice person in general. 

As Harry sat there, rocking me back in forth as my crying died down bit by bit, I only had one thought run through my mind: I can't put Harry through this. We can NEVER be together. I'm not good enough. He deserves better. And I'm gonna help set him up with better.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was chapter one. Hopefully Chapter 1 of many. I've kinda got my spirit for wrighting back so I hope it lasts. At least for this story. I hope you all enjoyed and Chapter 2 is literally behind this one.


End file.
